


it’s ok if you loosen your hold

by bloominghwa



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I don’t know I just like seeing nomin hold hands, It Could Be Platonic, Light Angst, M/M, Open Ending, could be jeno’s feeling discovery, it gets sad oops, jaemin’s smile, letting go, nomin likes to hold hands, nomin’s relationship is cute, they’re each other’s emotional support kpop boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 20:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19911694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloominghwa/pseuds/bloominghwa
Summary: jeno couldn’t help but think that he maybe missed the sweaty slide of jaemin’s palm against his own.





	it’s ok if you loosen your hold

they really liked holding hands. it brought the both of them great comfort, at least jeno thought it did. he always did enjoy holding the jaemin’s warmer hand, whether during their unnecessary excursions to a convenience store or when the world was collapsing in on itself, he always craved the way their palms touched and the slight stickiness of sweat between them to remind him that he’s alive. they’re still alive.

they had held hands when they first met at the audition. jeno was on the verge of panic and swallowing back his tears as his hands tremble on his lap. he had looked vacantly at his feet and his school slacks as his backpack dug uncomfortably into his back, and his mind had wandered to every possible wrong thing that could happen. a warm hand had taken his fiddling fingers and wrapped them around their own, and jeno hadn’t registered as he gripped onto them with underlying desperation. 

he had looked up after a while, movement of the next wave of young hopefuls that were escorted into a darker room disturbing his blurry haze. he once again realized their fates were decidedly unknown and it belonged to anyone but themselves. gentle taps to the back of his hands shook him, and jeno finally faced the other. jaemin’s fleeting, feathery look from his gentle brown eyes from that day was etched in the brightest corner of jeno’s mind, and the smile that curves so softly as their eyes met stutters silently next to it. both of them stared at each other for a while, gathering confidence from a stranger’s smile as the clock chipped away at time. jaemin was the first to turn away, and they both sat there with the sweatiness of each other’s palms whispering comforting reassurances through their blood. they parted for the first time.

jeno woke with rain the next day.

the both of them had made it. relieved tears when they saw each other at school poured down their face as they embraced each other in the middle of a bustling hall. strange glances were thrown their way but neither could bring themselves out of each other and how warm it was to be in that embrace. jaemin was the first to pull away, and he trailed his fingers down the wrinkled sleeves of jeno’s school blazer before tugging jeno’s hand into his own and pulling him towards their class with the school bell echoing along with the innocent ticks of the thin clock hands.

————————————————

as they grew, they still have not lost the habit of clinging onto one another, subconsciously reaching out even when the other wasn’t there to hold their hand anymore. even down to the little flutter in jeno’s chest everytime jaemin grasps onto his hand persists with time. so it stung a little, when jeno realized that jaemin was beginning to drift. not far, but still drifting. he was clinging onto a balloon too big for him to hold. 

————————————————

jeno’s hands had become colder when they got into the company. jaemin’s hands became no more than a late night daydream as each of them trained their youth away. 

constantly, his mind reminded him of that coffee flavored smile, and jeno could hardly remember the last time he hadn’t seen the deepening shadows in jaemin’s bright smile. something burned in him when jaemin sends that smile that used to be for him alone to someone else. something drowned within when the glow in jaemin’s eyes dimmed a little when he thought he was alone. furrowing his eyebrows unconsciously, his eyes wandered to where jaemin was clinging onto a laughing jisung with chenle buried under him, and jeno couldn’t help but think that he maybe missed the sweaty slide of jaemin’s palm against his own.

————————————————

it’s another night of quiet, where they both lie together on his bed, holding hands once more. jeno looks at the other, while jaemin gazes out at the stars, a smile gracing his face much like the moonlight slipping between jeno’s blinds. eyes never leaving the other, jeno recalls their graduation, when someone had accidentally let go of their balloons, and a child screamed with wonder as the balloons parted and their confusing blend of colors melted away until each were their own. he had looked and relished at the lightness in his chest as they eventually blended into the blue of the sky before he felt jaemin’s hand in his own again

feeling a squeeze to his cold hand, jeno’s eyes refocus and meets the soft gaze of the other, whose grin widens and gentle brown eyes disappear into the brilliance of his smile. jeno could see the shadows more clearly now that they are alone, but he says nothing and gifts a small smile back, one that screamed in violent bursts of violet everything he never said out loud. tightening his fingers around jaemin’s, feeling the stickiness of their palms one more time. jeno turns away from the other and let go of his hand before shutting the door on his bright night sky.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my drafts for a while now and it’s honestly not that’s great and I’m not sure why I posted it. any complaints and suggestions can be sent to my Twitter @bloominghwas


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